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HOT & COLD RUNNING REFRIGERATORS

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When I married George back in the Dark Ages, one thing was fairly certain: we’d never have to worry about appliances. His dad and granddad owned G. Marvin Holt, Inc. in downtown Burlington, which specialized in Frigidaire appliances. His mom had the fanciest kitchen in town — an original Corning Ware flat cooktop, on which you needed to use actual Corning Ware dishes for cooking. New-fangled frostless refrigerators could slice and dice and make ice the way you wanted it — no metal or plastic trays to fill. Disposals made out of indestructible dinosaur teeth could eat anything and never get jammed. Hot water dispensers next to the sink served up steaming hot chocolate with the push of a button. Trash compactors made heavy work out of too much lightweight kitchen debris. Microwaves had actual high-medium-low settings. You name it — the Holts had it. So, appliances? No worries.

But, a few years went by, and the appliance industry changed drastically — the brand names no longer protected their dealers, and every discount store started selling them. G. Marvin Holt sold to Big Jim Griggs, who may have eventually morphed it into Circuit City. When we moved back to Burlington after army life, people I barely knew stopped me at church to lament the loss of G. Marvin Holt’s 24-Hour Service Guarantee. They knew, that if their trusty rusty fridge went hot in the middle of the night, they could call for repairs without losing a leftover Zack dog or a quart of Melville milk. Likely, this was a terrific marketing policy — really, how often did anyone discover a broken fridge in the middle of the night? They rarely broke down.

Fast-forward to 2022, which is 9 or 10 refrigerator-galaxies away from the solid-gold Frigidaires of the sixties. Appliance life-expectancy diminishes every time you open a door.. Planned obsolesence has replaced 24-hour-a-day guaranteed service, and the results have been painful. Painful right now, in our house.

Back during the hundred-degree temperatures of July, we came back from a beach trip to find our fridge moaning like a dying cow, and the temperature rose with every moo. It was Friday night, after 6:30 PM. George, the appliance-and-construction-guru, groaned in tandem with the fridge, so I jumped in the car and headed for Lowe’s, knowing that if I hurried, I’d get there half an hour before they closed, and we could have a new fridge the next day. (You’d think by now, I would’ve thrown this pesky optimism out the window, but ever the Nellie Forbush, I forget every cloud I’ve ever seen.)

Appliance repairmen in North Myrtle Beach taught me not to even look at a Samsung or LG, and I didn’t want anything made in China. We had long hated our dying icebox — almond, it pre-dated the stainless steel craze — and it was an early model ‘freezer-on-the-bottom’ model that dropped ice, got stuck on packages sliding in and out, and gave us vertigo from leaning over to find whatever it was that had sunk to the bottom. So, I asked about a side-by-side. Lo and behold, Whirlpool (made in Mexico, go figure) had a model that solved the ‘pizza box’ problem — and it could be delivered on Sunday. The delivery guys were to call on Saturday night to give us an estimate of delivery time. They didn’t.

Sunday came — we unloaded the moaning, but still cooling, oldie, ready for delivery. I had carefully measured. The fridge space is exactly 36″. Did you know that the specs on fridges show two different dimensions? The uh, ‘common dimension’ was 36″. The ‘actual dimension’ was 35.725.” Our resident builder declared that it would be a tight fit, but it would work.

So, the truck found us on Sunday, Then, as they started to unload FRIDGE ONE, still in its box, it had clearly been gutted by a forklift.

I figured that they’d just go back to Lowe’s and pick up the next one in line, and come right back. Wrong. They had to return the new one to Lowe’s first, for the damage to be assessed, then, schedule a whole new DATE for FRIDGE TWO to come.

What? You’re asking — don’t you have an outside icebox in the garage? Well, yes. Yes, we do. But said garage is home to a black snake the size of an anaconda, and our resident snake-and-rodent guru refuses to get rid of him, so we have compromised. I only go into the garage in the winter months. The snake and I have an agreement. He doesn’t come in the house; I don’t go in the garage.

Well, about a week later, FRIDGE TWO was delivered. I could barely contain my excitement! It was just right. It’ll hold a frozen pizza box. The kitchen was back in business — for about three weeks.

Late Saturday night, I opened the 3-week-old fridge to get a coke. It was hot. MIddle of the night — where was the 24-hour repairman when I needed him? The next day, I called Lowe’s, and let the phone ring for EIGHT MINUTES — and nobody answered. Later on, I called again — spoke to a nice man, who said he’d put me through to the appliance department, but the phone wasn’t answered, and it cycled back to him, twice. He said he’d leave a message, and he was SURE someone would call me back shortly. I was not so sure. So, I got back in the car, and drove back to Lowe’s. If you don’t live in the country, that might not sound like a problem, but we’re in the next county, a good twenty miles away. That’s time enough for the entire soundtrack to the new West Side Story, so the top-down singalong ride in my Mustang with “Tonight” blaring made it sorta fun.

A walk to the back of a warehouse store is excruciating these days, so I stopped at the customer service window up front. A very kind young woman helped me out. She said they had several of the same model still in stock. She scheduled Fridge Three’s delivery for Tuesday, and gave the rehearsed spiel — the delivery contractors would call Monday night before to give a specific time window. I knew they wouldn’t, but still, I was pretty happy, but Chick Fil-A was closed and I had to stop at a less-desireable drive-thru to take supper home.

Monday night came and went — no call from the appliance people. All day Tuesday, we waited. No calls. No truck. FRIDGE THREE never showed up. So, Wednesday, I didn’t even attempt to call the store. I jumped back into the Mustang, took the top down, and sang along with the Carpenters, as I was pretty sure there would be no “Tonight, Tonight” to sing about. This time, I commandeered one of the ride-around carts, and drove directly to the appliance area. Two beleaguered salespeople were trying to service five or six customers. I arrived back there at 6:38 PM. Finally got a chance to explain my problem at 6:53 — and all my patient waiting was to no avail. “Oh,” he said, “Since you’re still within the 30-day return period, a manager will have to take care of that.” He assured me that the manager was at the front of the store. Got to the front of the store and was told, “Oh, she’s back in the appliance section.”

Back to the appliance section I zipped, fast as that little cart would take me, but she was not to be found. The appliance guy started calling for a manager over the telephone. He was helping another customer, but I penned him in with the basket of my scooter and he couldn’t escape. Every few minutes, he’d call for a manager, to no avail. Finally, he used the magic words.

“MANAGER NEEDED FOR OVERRIDE IN APPLIANCES.”

That got quick attention — they want to make sure a sale gets made. So, a whistle-and-clipboard type young woman came flying in between the washers and dryers. The sales associate told her he needed her to help with my problem, but she couldn’t. “I’m not a manager,” she explained. “I only have the override card,” waving it through the air like she was playing keep-a-way from the unwashed second-class salespeople “She needs to see Valerie!”

“And where will I find this elusive Valerie?” She assured me that Valerie was at the millwork desk, on Aisle 51.

“Aisle 51, did you say? Like I’m going to disappear into the Bermuda Triangle from Aisle 51? ” Yep, that was the place, they both said, laughing, but I wasn’t joking.

The electric cart was still working, but going slower by the minute. I made it over to Area 51, and I promise, there was not a human in sight, much less a desk marked “Millwork.” It was eerie, but really, the logical explanation is that every last customer was lined up in the appliance department hoping to throw money at Lowe’s, but there was nobody to catch it.

I rode up and down the aisles, all decorum left behind in the scratch-and-dent section, belting out, “VALERIE….OH VALERIE? WHEREFORE ART THOU VALERIE?” And, “I LOVE TO GO A WANDERING THRU AISLES OF LUMBER RACKS — AND AS I GO, I LOVE TO SING — I WANT MY WHIRLPOOL BACK…..’VAL-A-REE– VAL-A RAH–There was nobody around to call security on me, so I just kept going — and I kinda don’t blame Valerie for not answering.

After a lengthy suspension of the space/time continuum, I chanced upon a desk. It was on Aisle 49, not 51, tucked in behind a large display of exterior doors and windows — no signage to identify it as ‘THUH MILLWORK DESK.” Every industry has its jargon, but let’s face it, most women who get sent to Area 51 have no idea what millwork is. We expect a few bolts of cloth. But there, right there among the replacement windows, I found my thrill on storm door hill — Valerie, my new best friend.

She patiently helped people in front of me who asked entirely too many questions about a door that was not in stock. I sat on the scooter for t-w-e-n-t-y minutes, humming my little song, and after way too many verses, I was finally able to explain my plight to a MANAGER! This was Wednesday. She said she’d have FRIDGE FOUR sent out Sunday, the first possible day it could be delivered. Still trying to smile, I said, “Oh, what’s another week? We’re recently retired. Won’t be making any more money. Might as well just SPEND IT ALL RIGHT NOW ON EATING OUT!” Valerie was not amused. She’d had it. Don’t blame her. Really, Valerie has been stellar. She’s swimming upstream against a broken system.

When I asked why nobody had called or shown up with FRIDGE THREE the previous Tuesday, she found no record of it in the storewide system. Nobody can admit it, of course, but even from Area 51 any idiot can tell that the nice woman who helped me the previous week hit ‘delete’ instead of ‘save.’ But, I was still optimistic — just another Manic Sunday would be a magic day, as we had tickets for Wicked in Richmond that night.

Now, Sunday is the LEAST convenient day of the week for us. George often has duties at church, and I really didn’t want to be the person in charge when the delivery guys got there — it’s much better if he handles it. Because he’s a man? Well, NO. Because, back in junior high, high school, and Wake Forest summers, he worked alongside the much-beloved Mack Thompson delivering appliances for G. Marvin Holt, Inc. If that doesn’t make him an expert, nothing does.

So — Sunday came. I had been to deliver the Wicked tickets to the kids, and when I drove up our road, a big Penske truck was in our next door neighbor’s driveway, ten acres away. Sigh. I pulled the Mustang over, blew the horn, and gestured wildly for the driver to follow me. He did, and I left to get out of the way while they unloaded FRIDGE FOUR.

An hour later, I came home, excited to FINALLY have a working fridge, but ’twas not to be. When they unloaded this one, they found that Fridge Four’s front door was damaged. The obvious solution to the construction / appliance delivery men in my family was to change the doors, but the deliverers didn’t want to be bothered. George just shook his head, incredulous. Back at G. Marvin Holt, he and Mack would unpack every appliance in the warehouse, inspect it, wrap it in a blanket, and strap it into the truck. They knew how to slide them back and forth without tearing up floors; how to take the doors off fridges, when needed, even how to take front doors off houses to get those hundred-dollar appliances safely into places they’d never have to leave. The art of appliance delivery has disappeared from our society.

Fortunately, this time, I didn’t have to call the number that is never answered, because I have my new-best-friend Valerie’s phone number on speed dial. I texted her right away, and bless her heart, she suggested that she send out a loaner for us to use until the next truck with our model came in. I thought that sounded like a reasonable solution. She sent me a few models to look at — but what Whirlpool considers a 36″ fridge isn’t the same as Frigidaire’s 36″. I looked at the fine print — the 36″ Frigidaire would actually be 36.25 inches, and even greased up with Crisco, it wouldn’t fit into a 36″ hole. So, she found a different Whirlpool model measuring the actual 35.725 width. BINGO! FRIDGE FIVE was on its way.

Yesterday was yet another Sunday — apparently the only day that these contractors know how to get Penske trucks into Powhatan. Fridge Five, the loaner, was delivered. But don’t get too excited. It’s depth was one inch longer than the Whirlpool, it wouldn’t make it through the twist at the front door.

I texted Valerie. “IS IT POSSIBLE TO JUST SEND OUT AN OLD-FASHIONED APPLIANCE REPAIR GUY AND FIX WHAT WE HAVE??” She asked for photos of the serial number and description of the problem. In a nutshell, it sounds like one of those white-noise machines people put in kids’ rooms; the fridge temp has crept up from fifty degrees to seventy; the freezer is showing about fifty degrees, and the ice maker is dripping water since it’s not cold enough to freeze.

Over the years, we’ve had great service from Lowe’s. Back in the eighties, George built about 20 houses in Alamance County — and almost all lumber, doors, windows, sheetrock, plumbing, appliances, paint, you-name-it, came from Lowe’s. So, we’re talking a million dollars in business, small in the grand scheme, but maybe those houses helped Lowe’s become the mega-monster it is today. And no telling how much they profited from George’s commercial construction projects over the years. These days, they’re struggling, like every other company, trying to recover from a pandemic. We had some similar issues down in Mississippi, when we had a new fridge delivered to the tenants in Great-Granddad’s house. We paid the fee to have the old fridge removed in February. When we arrived in July, said fridge was still on the back porch, blocking the door. And Lowe’s is visible from the front porch — not like it was out of the way. I found a wonderful lady there in the Philadelphia, MISSISSIPPI, Lowe’s, who solved the problem — and she used to work at Home Depot in Midlothian, Virginia. The world is still small.

What to do? I’m thinking that all the retired guys (girls, too) we know ought to go over to Lowe’s and get retirement jobs. Y’all would know how to get things done, and could form-sure drive a forklift without impaling appliances. They need people with common sense life experience who aren’t above doing manual work. Or, bring back the G. Marvin Holt, Inc., mom-and-pop appliance stores. They provided great products, great service, and a good living for those who worked there.

For now — we are still awaiting an old-fashioned repairman, or FRIDGE SIX, whichever comes first.

Blessings, y’all — and may all your refrigerators be cold ones!

THE WORST THANKSGIVING EVER!

28 Thursday Nov 2019

Posted by in BETH'S STORIES, Uncategorized

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The Worst Thanksgiving Ever

(Published in “Powhatan Today”, as “The Worst Holiday Ever”, Wednesday, December 22, 2004 – edited by Beth, 2007)

by Beth Holt

Somewhere, high over the Atlantic Ocean, my thoughts turned from the romance of Venice to the daily routine of life in rural Virginia. My oldest son, Chip, snoozed beside me on the huge plane – I’d slept on his shoulder for a good part of the trip, but finally, I was wide awake in a dark, droning airplane, and it was time to think about Thanksgiving.

I planned out the coming holiday week:

-Tomorrow, I’d sleep late and recover from jet lag.

-Tuesday, I’d straighten out things at my husband’s office.

-Wednesday, I’d shop and cook.

-Thursday, Thanksgiving 2004, we’d be home for the feast.

Son #2, Bryan, would bring his family in on Thursday night after gorging on holiday turkey with his wife’s family. We’d all leave for Belews Creek, NC on Friday morning, visit with Memomma and Dedaddy, then head for the Holt family gathering in Burlington on Saturday, and return home on Saturday night. Busy, but simple and straightforward — not much to sweat over.

The plane landed, and my “Rome Adventure” with Chip melded into a sweet memory as my long-suffering and vacation-providing husband, George, hugged us at the gate.

It was early Sunday night in Virginia, but very late Sunday night, Italian time, when we got home from the airport. I’d been awake for nearly 20 hours, and was starting to feel punchy. I walked into the house after being gone for ten days, ready to collapse on the first bed I tripped over. But as soon as I crossed the threshold, a terrible odor hit me in the face, and it was far stronger than sleep.

I gagged, and choked out the obvious. “What in the world is that stench?”

My husband just shrugged and raised his eyebrows. “What stench?”

I stared in disbelief. For a minute, I wondered if he’d gone wacko and stashed a dead body under the house while Chip and I were cavorting around Italy. The men in my life swore they couldn’t smell a thing, but something was dead, wrong, and rotten, and there was no way to go to sleep through it.

So, strung-out on no sleep with a wide-awake headache, I tried to track down the source. Moved furniture. Cleaned out the fridge. Took out the garbage. Washed the dishrags. Looked behind the stove. Rolled out the refrigerator. And found nothing.  After an hour or so of searching and cleaning, I checked under my pillow and fell into bed.

The next morning, when I wanted to be sleeping off jet lag, I jumped out of bed, and filled the sinks with Pine-Sol to mask the mysterious odor. I searched high and low for the source but didn’t find a thing. After while, my exhausted body rebelled,  so I left Central European Time behind and slept through the day and most of the night.

Tuesday morning, I woke up early, and the house still stunk to high heaven. I sprayed every nook and cranny with citrus, then headed out to the supermarket to join the Thanksgiving grocery crowds.

There’d only be four of us for turkey dinner, so I planned to cook a scaled-down version of the big deal — all homemade. I filled the metal grocery cart with “scratch” ingredients, but halfway down the pickle aisle, jet lag spoke up. “Buy the Ukrop’s ready-made version….save the staples for Christmas, when you have more time to prepare.”  Jet lag was smarter than I thought.

Back at home, I turned my favorite DJ on  K-95 up loud and unloaded groceries to my favorite country tunes. A few items needed to be put in the old refrigerator in the garage. I bounded out the utility room door, grabbed the handle on the fridge, opened the door, and — gagged.   Coughed. Gagged again. And nearly passed out.

Good gosh, it was awful. The breaker had tripped, oh, a week or so ago, probably while I was enraptured by Fritz Kreisler’s romantic Introduzione in a marvelous concert in Venice. Everything in the freezer had thawed out and gone bad. What a mess.

I unplugged all the appliances, choked my way back and forth to the breaker box, then plugged everything back in to refreeze, so it would be easier to throw things out. I was aggravated, but mostly relieved. The mystery of the smell was solved, and we wouldn’t have to go through the holiday asking  which baby needed changing.

But I still hadn’t unpacked from the trip to Italy.  Suitcases had exploded all over the guest room. Clothes, souvenirs, and travel books were strewn across the bed, overflowing onto the floor and crawling around the corner into the baby’s room. It all had to be cleaned up to make room for Bryan and the grandkids.

I’d just started putting things away when the phone rang, and my husband hollered for help from Hopewell. Office work had snarled while I was roaming Rome, and hired help just ain’t what it used to be. I left the mess behind and hurried down to the office to straighten out the payroll, just in time to pay the clerk who’d made the mess in the first place. It took almost all day to fix what had been done wrong while I was gone, but that was okay. I still had Wednesday night and all day Thursday to get the guest room ready.

I was printing a batch of payroll checks when my cell phone played a familiar tune. Bryan was on the line. “Mom, Rebekah and I decided it might be better to come down this afternoon instead of waiting till tomorrow. Is that okay with you?”

Well, of course it’s okay with me, but my Martha Stewart timeline just went out the window. I put down the phone, stared at it for a minute, then grabbed the receiver and dialed.

If you walk into my house on any given day during hunting season, you’ll think it’s an arsenal for the militia.  I used to complain about boots and saddles in the dining room, but lately, camouflage coveralls and shotguns of every gauge and barrel are propped up against windowsills in every room of the house. How did I end up being the lone female in a household of hunters?  It was time to call the AWOL quartermaster to active duty.

To my relief, my youngest son actually answered his cell phone for a change. “David, this is Mama. You need to go home right now and put away all your guns. Micah is coming tonight.” My first grandchild, though precious and precocious, very well-coordinated, and drop-dead handsome to boot, is still a tad young for the hunter safety course. Let’s wait till he’s at least three.

I locked up the office, jumped into my car, and an hour later I was home, with only 45 minutes to get ready for the Thanksgiving Eve service at  Emmaus Church. A hot bath would help me change gears. I hopped into the tub, but a few gallons later, the water turned lukewarm. “Hmm,” I thought, “There’s nobody else home. I haven’t done any laundry. Surely the element hasn’t gone bad. Maybe it just my imagination that the water is not right….”  After I jumped out, dried off, and threw on some clothes, I  I forgot all about it

I drove down Route 711 to the small country church, slid into a pew, and thought of all the things I have to give thanks for. My friend, Lorna, sat next to me. We’ve sung side-by-side for twenty years now, and we giggled a little as the pastor strummed his guitar.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…”

Familiar words with a familiar tune, but something sounded slightly out of whack. The melody he played usually sings “There is a house in New Orleans, they call the rising sun..”   NOT your usual “Amazing Grace.” Minor key. Ominous. Handwriting on the wall?

The service ended, and I rushed back home. My bedroom was relatively clean, but the guest rooms were a mess with half-unpacked bags on beds and dressers. I stuffed stuff back into suitcases, zipped them up, and threw them into my room. I grabbed souvenirs I’d sorted, pushed them into a laundry basket, and shoved it next to my dresser. I cleared the guest bed of stacked summer clothing, but there was no place left in my room, so heck with the stacks.  I tossed them on the floor.

I moved the dirty travel clothes from their pile on the guest room floor to another pile on my bedroom floor. In the span of fifteen minutes, I’d cleaned one space and trashed another, but now there was room for Bryan, Rebekah, Micah, Nathan, two porta-cribs, multiple baby toys, and a week’s worth of Pampers.

Shortly, the house filled up with people I love. George came home from an extra-long day at work; David safely moved all the firearms; Chip brought dirty laundry home  from Fredericksburg; Bryan unloaded tons of baby equipment along with a wife, two sons and a dog. And I do mean unloaded, particularly when it comes to the dog. Yes, the sweetest dog in the whole world, perfect for Bryan’s little family, so they told me, but I learned the big-dog-little-boys lesson many years ago.

The dog – Buttercup — who, after Micah started talking, became Butterbutt, who, after Nathan was born, became more trouble than a young mama with two babies under two should have to worry about. Butterbutt had come home to stay. I’ve loved my share of dogs in my lifetime, but I thought that part of my life was long gone.

Dogs or no dogs, though, the best times are when the kids come home. It was a happy time, with hot chili simmering on the stove, everybody talking at once, all laughing at Micah, baby-talking to Nathan, eating tortilla chips and salsa — for about an hour.

Then, Rebekah moaned, “You know, I don’t feel so good.” Bryan looked up. “I don’t feel so good either.”

And that was about the last thing he said for the next two days, unless you count calling Ralph. They were sick. Sick, sick, sick. Bryan took to the bathtub – but the hot water ran out. Rebekah woke to nurse Nathan, then tossed him to me and fell, helplessly weak, back into bed.

All the while, Butterbutt barked endlessly on the front porch. Which riled up the llamas, who shrieked the weirdest wails you’ve ever heard — all night long. Nobody got any sleep.

Tossing and turning,  pillow-punching, and fuming , all I could think was, “I came home from Italy for this? Where’s the tuxedoed waiter with my hot cappuccino?”

Morning came, and it was clear the sick ones couldn’t make it to Rebekah’s family Thanksgiving. The rest of us weren’t worried, though, because the illness was due to some fast food chicken they’d consumed. Bryan needed another hot bath, but mysteriously, the water ran cold.  So George belly-crawled under the house to investigate, and came back covered in cobwebs and probably a snake skin or two.

“Hot water heater’s working fine.” he announced. “There’s plenty of hot water – and it’s spewing all over the crawl space.”

It was Thanksgiving Day, and the water pipes popped a leak. A big leak. It was Thanksgiving Day, and sick people were sacked out, groaning, comatose, in the living room. It was Thanksgiving Day, and I roasted a turkey and warmed up supermarket dressing, but couldn’t make gravy till we heated pans of hot water to pour into the bathtub for Bryan, who shivered with fever.

It was Thanksgiving Day, and for the first time in holiday history, the china and crystal stayed in the cabinet. It was Thanksgiving Day, and I served turkey dinner on the kitchen table over — dare I admit it? — a paper tablecloth on everyday dishes, with — perish the thought — red plastic cups. Yes, red plastic cups. What had we come to?  Martha Stewart went to jail and Thanksgiving propriety went right out the window.

Shortly, the chicken nugget food poisoning theory went out the window, too.

‘Cause Micah threw up. All over the family room carpet. Oh, it was a night to forget.

Friday morning, Bryan and Rebekah felt better, but were worn slap out. I called my parents and canceled our plans to visit them. David fled the germs, took his arsenal and went hunting, and proudly returned with a six-point buck. Then, he and George crawled under the house to fix the water pipes.

Bryan mustered enough strength to load everybody (except Butterbutt, who still barked on the front porch) back into his minivan for their trip back to Fredericksburg.

Saturday morning came, and it looked like the worst was over. It was time to head for Burlington and the yearly Holt Family Gathering and Gift Exchange. Only four of us could make the trip. We climbed into Chip’s Jeep Grand Cherokee, loaded up the presents, and drove our usual Thanksgiving route down U.S. 360. We’d barely crossed the Appomattox when David looked at me, and out of a pale green face, mumbled, “Mama, I don’t feel so good…”

Three hours later, we turned into downtown Burlington, and parked in front of the Georgia Kitchen, a nice restaurant located where the Treasure House used to be, the wedding gift store where all that china and silver we didn’t use this year originally came from.

Most of us had a delicious dinner and a good time with the sisters, brothers, cousins, and Aunt Lib (who, at 90, is a ball of fire and cute as a button). But David turned greener by the minute. Afterward, we stopped by the Holt family plot at Pine Hill Cemetery, but he refused to get out of the car. He already felt half-dead, and wasn’t about to get close enough to his final resting place to take up permanent residence.

We started back for home, and just after we turned off Rauhut Street, David called out, “Dad! Stop the car…!”

I should mention at this point that I’m not any good when somebody gets sick. I mean, if it’s a sore throat and fever, I’m a good nurse. I can even handle small amounts of blood. But throwing up? No. My gag reflexes are far too sympathetic. If somebody is sick, I am, too. George has always handled throw-up duty. Strange thing to brag about, but honestly, he’s gifted at it. And Chip is trained as an EMT, so he can handle anything.

George pulled the Jeep into a parking lot. David ran to the rear of the car, and Chip jumped out to help him. I stayed put, singing little songs, trying to think happy thoughts, “Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens….”

George walked to a nearby convenience store to buy water, Gatorade and a roll of paper towels. A few minutes later, the crisis passed, for a little while. And then, about every ten miles, it was, “Dad! Pull over!” David ran to the back of the car, Chip grabbed the paper towels – soon they honed Chinese Fire Drill into a fine science. Dave was one sick puppy and all he wanted in this life was to get home, but at this rate, we weren’t making much progress.

Daylight was just about gone. I was drowsy enough to sleep sitting up, my head lolling against the back seat as we crossed the state line into Virginia. Five minutes till six; only an hour more, and we’d be home.

And then — and then…. WHAM.

Something hit us, and hit us hard. The Jeep bucked. The hood flew up, and my eyes flew open. “If anything’s behind us, we’re gonna be hit again…” The car lurched to a stop. It was dark inside, and I smelled something smoky, like burning electric wires. I felt confused, helpless, disoriented, and frightened. “Something’s wrong with the engine…where are we….what’s happening??”

I started to panic, but Chip’s firefighter training comes in handy in times of crisis. Calm as a cucumber, he checked on his little brother.

“Dave — are you all right?”

“My hands are burned…”

“BURNED??? I struggled to unfasten my seatbelt. “I smell smoke…is the car on fire?”

“No, Mom, it’s okay – calm down — what you smell is the air bags.”

I was still groggy. “The airbags went off?? What happened?”

“We hit a deer.”   Or rather, a deer hit us.

The deer had bounded across the westbound lane of U.S. 360, jumped the median, and landed right smack on top of us. Nobody saw it coming.

The front end of Chip’s car was a mess — radiator pierced, headlights smashed, the grill broken. A hundred feet behind us, a small four-point buck lay dead in the ditch. He was little, but you’ve got to hand it to him, he’d placed himself just right for maximum impact.

We’ve lost count of the deer that have attacked our cars over the past 10 years, but the number is in the high teens. My theory is that they’re out to even the score, and well… David did get a buck on Friday.

We were lucky. Everyone was okay, except for poor Dave, whose knuckles and knees were rug-burned from impact with the airbag. And he was still sick. He sat on the shoulder of the road wrapped in a blanket, and impossibly, continued to throw up.

Chip called 911, and talked with the Nottoway County dispatcher. We were out in the middle of nowhere. Shortly, the Amelia County dispatcher called my cell phone. “Where are you?”

“Uh. We’re on 360, in Amelia….Jetersville, I think….” I realized that a GPS would come in handy during an emergency, when you don’t know where you are, you’re disoriented from the shock of the circumstances, and on a road in the dark with nothing but trees for miles and miles.

A state trooper arrived. He radioed the dispatcher.

“We have a passenger with superficial burns on his hands from the air bags.”

The dispatcher radioed outward, “One of the passengers got burned.”

The trooper sighed, and shook his head. “That’s not what I said. Now, in about five minutes, we’re going to be inundated with pickup trucks.”

Sure enough, every EMT in Amelia County raced to the scene. Within seconds, we found out there’s not a thing they can do for stomach flu.

I needed to get my poor child home – so what if he’s twenty? He’s still my baby, and there we were, stranded on the side of the road. Have you ever considered how accident victims get home? There’s an ambulance if you’re hurt, a tow truck to handle the car, but when you’re just plain stranded, it’s up to you and your thumb.

I called our dearest friends in Powhatan, Barbara and Cody. They don’t ever answer the phone. The answering machine picked up and I began to babble.

“Hey…if you’re listening to your scanner, and I know you are, that wreck in Amelia County is us…and I don’t know how we’re gonna get home….” My whimper grew into a sob.

Barbara’s voice came on the line. “It’s you?? It’s you??? Hang on.  We’re on our way.”

Thanksgiving weekend. The longest one on record. Jet lag. Messed up bookkeeping. A thawed out freezer. Busted hot water pipes. Canceled plans. Plastic cups. Butterbutt. A wreck. Three thousand dollars for a 4-point buck.  Stomach flu, which probably isn’t over yet. What’s next??

After all that, it occurred to me that I need to add to all the high-minded touchy-feely things I’m thankful for. Here’s the down-and-dirty list.

Thank you, Lord, for:

Hot water, and the pipes that carry it.

Paper towels. Bottled water. Red plastic cups.

Cell phones. Air bags. Volunteer firefighters and EMT’s.

Friends who’ll come get you after you’ve had a wreck.

And the phrase,

“Things could’ve been a lot worse.”

 

Copyright 2004, Elizabeth F. Holt

Chip's Jeep Cherokee. Totaled.Chip’s Jeep Cherokee. Totaled.4-Point Buck. Totaled.4-Point Buck. Totaled.We waited till David graduated high school before posting this photo in the newspaper.We waited till David graduated high school before posting this photo in the newspaper.

OUR MIDWESTERN THANKSGIVING

24 Sunday Nov 2019

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Our Midwestern Thanksgiving!

By Beth Holt

November, 2000

Thanksgiving!

Oh, the memories! Mama’s marvelous dressing and gravy, twenty-five pound turkeys, Grandmother’s banana pudding, starched damask tablecloths, shiny silver, sparkling crystal, and first-class fiddle-playing from the back bedroom. For decades, our family celebrations had continued in the same manner. We moved several times over the years as the power company transferred Daddy around, so the dining rooms looked different, but the participants stayed the same. As time went on, we added boyfriends who became husbands, and soon, a new generation of  babies babbled and cooed as Mama insisted she’d “never seen a child that young do” whatever. But suddenly and sadly, things changed. Grandmother Frick died, Granddaddy was in the VA Hospital up in Asheville, and Thanksgiving just wasn’t going to be the same.

So, sisters Margie, Carole and I decided to institute a new tradition, and take a road trip to spend Thanksgiving with Granddaddy Robinson in Joplin.  That’s in Missoura, as they say — a fur piece from North Carolina.  We crammed ourselves, and Carole’s daughter Lisa, who was about 6 years old, into a pint-sized Datsun 510, and headed west.

It doesn’t look very far on the map. Only halfway across the country – just a matter of inches. But in a 1970 Datsun, eleven hundred miles with close female relatives is pure agony. We began the drive in Charlotte with great excitement and good spirits. My driving shift began around midnight as we crossed into Tennessee, and the excitement waned as night wore on. I was careful to be very quiet so my relief drivers could get plenty of sleep. Funny thing though – when the sun came up, everyone else was wide awake and raring to go, and not the least bit interested in whether or not I got any sleep. Their high spirits continued and they chattered all the way through Arkansas while I tossed and turned in my tiny corner of the back seat, plotting all manner of torturous revenge.

Putting three sisters into a compact Japanese car for over twenty-four hours straight is a sure recipe for disaster, but we figured that the end would be worth the means. Granddaddy Robinson, known to most everyone as Robbie, was great fun, and he loved to eat out. Thanksgiving Dinner with Granddad, who was a connoisseur of great places to dine, would definitely be worth the trip.

The interesting thing about Robbie is that he wasn’t related to us at all. His love and commitment to our family was simply a matter of choice.  Born in 1882, Robbie was old – impossibly old, and it jolted me to realize that he had been too old to fight even in World War ONE. He loved being a golf-playing nonogenarian, and enjoyed bragging that he’d end up being killed by a jealous husband when he was 100. Recently, he’d lost his good eye to a golf ball accident, but he got around better than folks half his age, and had a series of red-headed widows who brought him casseroles and chauffered him around the country in his Buick.

Somewhere in his long and illustrious life, Robbie met and married a woman named Ruby, who had adopted a boy born to her older sister.  Whoever conceptualized the TV character “Maude” had to have known Ruby.  She was a tough-talking businesswoman with a gruff manner and raspy voice that betrayed her smoking habit, and she was the first drinking woman I ever met. Her first husband, according to family legend, ran off to Mexico, and if you ever met Ruby, you could sorta understand why. In 1940,  Ruby’s adopted son, George Van Hoorebeke, married our mother, and was the father of my older sisters, Carole and Virginia.

Ruby passionately loved her son, and when he married Mama, she welcomed and loved her just as passionately, and the two of them had a close relationship for the rest of Ruby’s life. Long after Ruby died, Robbie, who had no children of his own, still loved Mama and often introduced her as his daughter.

World War II rained tragedy on almost every American family, rearranging lives for generations to come, and ours was no exception. Captain Van Hoorebeke was killed in France, and Mama, a war widow with two little girls, worked as an accountant at Camp Crowder, Missouri. In the waning days of the war, a young signal officer from South Carolina was assigned to Camp Crowder, where Mama was a hot commodity since she owned one of the few automobiles on post. The company commander had his eye on Mama’s best friend, but what with wartime rationing and shortages of everything, he had a major logistical problem. There was no transportation in which to court. When the lovestruck captain found out that Mama had wheels, he took advantage of the opportunity and ordered Lieutenant Frick to ask her out so they could double-date.

Lieutenant Frick wasn’t too keen on the idea, as he still had his eye on a little French girl, and at least one Louise in South Carolina thought he was coming back to her. But he had no choice but to follow orders, and soon Mississippi’s Marguerite electrified the young engineer. A few months later in Ruby’s living room, Daddy married Mama, daughters and all, and our family extended beyond mere bloodlines. Daddy took his new bride and the girls back to Greenville, South Carolina, where he “could get everything wholesale.”

Thirty-some years later (and it felt like we had spent the entire thirty years crammed into that miniature Japanese torture chamber) we pulled up to the curb in front of Robbie’s classic stone bungalow on Joplin’s Main Street. It was late Wednesday night, and we crawled wearily under crocheted bedspreads on antique beds, tired and hungry, because 90-year-old one-eyed golfers who eat out all the time are notorious for having empty refrigerators. But that was okay, because we knew we would be wined and dined in fine style come Thanksgiving noon.

Thanksgiving Day dawned bright and beautiful in the midwestern sunlight, and we relaxed through the morning, reacquainting ourselves with the house that held so many memories. The furnishings were from a different era, and wartime pictures of Mama and my sisters graced the walls and dressers of the bedrooms. Down the street, at the corner of the block was an old-fashioned ice-cream shop that had I had never forgotten, though I was only a toddler the last time we’d been to Joplin. Progress had come to Joplin, so the neighborhood wasn’t what it used to be, evidenced by the encroachment of a fast-food enterprise across the street strangely named the Sophisticated Chicken.

Finally, after eleven hundred miles and weeks of anticipation, it was  time for Thanksgiving Dinner. We dressed up in our 1970s version of fashion, which was certainly “down” rather than “up”, and hurried out to the Buick early so we could “beat the crowd”. Soon, we’d be enjoying an incomparable meal in Joplin’s finest restaurant  or  country club.

We were confused when Granddad pulled into the parking lot of the local mall, and soon we saw hordes of hungry holiday diners lining up outside Morrison’s Cafeteria.

We looked around, hoping to see that a really fine restaurant was just  around the corner, but presently, the reality of the situation became clear. There would be no four-star meal with gourmet oyster dressing and pumpkin flan. We were joining the masses for plainer fare at the local cafeteria. Disappointed, but hungry, and realizing that cafeteria food would be better than no food at all, we started to follow the crowd and stake out a place in line. And then, Granddaddy uttered the words that none of us will ever forget.

“Oh, no. We’re not going to Morrison’s.   Walgreen’s has a Blue Plate Turkey Special for a dollar eighty-nine.”

Suddenly, the cafeteria we had heretofore disdained looked awfully appealing.

Eleven hundred miles. Twenty-four hours in Hirohito’s revenge. Nothing to eat in the house when we got there. Barely any breakfast. And here we were, homesick, sleep-deprived, and ravenously hungry, heading in the opposite direction of the holiday hordes, into Walgreen’s Drugstore, of all places. For Thanksgiving Dinner.

The five of us were the only customers in the place, ’cause everybody else in town was at the fancy restaurant, the country club, or at least Morrison’s. If Ruby was Maude, our waitress was Flo, and bless her heart, she served us the worst cardboard excuse for turkey and dressing to ever come out of a freezer, along with something sticky that was vaguely reminiscent of pumpkin pie. And they didn’t even have any cranberry sauce.

We choked back  tears as we choked down the food, and like well-brought up Southern girls, we lied and told Granddad how delicious everything was. Another thing we discovered about ninety-year old one-eyed golfers is that their taste buds died about thirty years ago.

Thankfully, the rest of the week-end was fun. Granddad took us over to Bartlesville, Oklahoma to see whatever it is that attracts tourists there, and I think we played golf, though to be honest, I don’t remember much. I never recovered from pulling the all night driving shift, and spent most of our sightseeing time in the car with my head lolled back against the back seat, snoring. And then, on Saturday, we crammed ourselves back into the Tin Can, and did eleven hundred miles all over again.

Since that year, there have been dozens more Thanksgiving Dinners. We spent three in Germany with friends from all over the States where we foundered on every kind of regional specialty imaginable. There were Thanksgiving dinners with the troops, when the officers donned dress blues and served the enlisted men. In recent years, we’ve had wonderful times with the Holt family in South Boston, where the kids play bingo and make their own memories. And I’ve learned to make a pretty mean giblet gravy myself.

Not every Thanksgiving dinner was Martha Stewart perfect. There was the time in Burlington when Margie ran crying to her bedroom when Daddy chose that particular moment to reveal that her long “lost” dog had actually been put down years earlier, and he hadn’t had the heart to tell her the truth. And years later, Carole and Margie were with us at Ft. Benning when the oven element burned out and it took 12 hours to cook the turkey. There was a week-end at the beach that most of us would rather forget.  And a couple of years ago, the entire Holt family shared the worst kind flu bug in South Boston. Nope, they haven’t all been perfect.

But Walgreen’s Blue Plate Turkey Special for a dollar eighty-nine takes the cake.

Here’s to a much better dinner for you and yours!

Colossians 3:17 – And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

With a thankful heart for many, many blessings, Beth

A Cuppa Cuppa Cup

24 Sunday Jun 2018

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THE MARGUERITE CHRONICLES:  June 23, 2018

A couple of years ago, Chip and Katie gave Memomma a  coffee mug all her own, big and bold, pink with white stripes, and the slogan “QUEEN FOR A DAY” — a perfect gift for the coffee-guzzler Daddy loved to call Queenie.  In keeping with the name, the mug held a queen-sized serving of hot java.  If you knew my mama, you knew she wanted a LOT of coffee, at every meal, three times a day, no matter the season, plus several cups in between.  And if we were in a restaurant, she’d order a glass of water on the side.  Not that she drank the water — she’d grab a spoon and fish a couple of ice cubes out of the glass to cool down the coffee.  And then she’d ask the waitress to warm it up with a refill, and start the drill all over again.

Mama enjoyed her “Queen for a Day” mug, even after we placed  an “OUT OF ORDER” sign on the Keurig  when she forgot how to operate it.  My husband, George, fixed coffee for her often, to keep her from overflowing the Keurig with extra water, and by brewing it for her, fooled  her into using doctor-ordered de-caf  so we could all get some sleep. But, to paraphrase Daddy, that was sort of like tinkling in the ocean. None of us ever got any sleep.  George quietly helped me take care of Mom for more than three years, and whenever I thanked him, he answered, “She was never anything but nice to me.”

Four months after Mama’s last cup of coffee, I walked into the living room and noticed that the Queen mug was up on the mantelpiece, right next to my Williamsburg  candlesticks, where it didn’t match a thing.  What?  I couldn’t believe somebody — probably one of the grandkids, who love to grab a slightly naughty brew at Grandmommy’s house —  had left a dirty cup of coffee up on the mantel to mold, so I  stepped up on the hearth to grab it.

But I heard a shout, and my  my hand stopped in mid-air.

“What are you doing?” George hollered from the sofa, and this is a man who rarely raises his voice.

“I’m taking this coffee cup back to the kitchen.”

“NO.  You can’t.”

“I can’t?   I couldn’t imagine why not — we may not be the most OCD people in the world, but we don’t normally leave dirty dishes lying around the house.  I looked into the cup, puzzled.  Not a drop of  khaki-colored brew.   Clean as a whistle.

“What’s the problem.  Why not?”

“It’s retired,” he smiled. “RE-TIRED.”

And I cried.

How lovely.

 

 

 

 

A Glimpse of Marguerite

02 Friday Mar 2018

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THE MARGUERITE CHRONICLES ~ February 27, 2018

Marguerite Alice Clark Van Hoorebeke Frick, six weeks shy of ninety-eight years old, died peacefully Tuesday, February 27, 2018, in Cherry Grove Beach, South Carolina. Memorial service will take place at 2:00 PM, Saturday, March 3, 2018, in Chapel By the Sea Baptist Church, 1051 Sea Mountain Highway, North Myrtle Beach, (Cherry Grove) South Carolina. Visitation will be held after the service at the home of Chip and Katie Holt in Longs, SC.

Marguerite was born April 14, 1920 in Drew, Mississippi; the oldest of five children born to Thomas Huey Clark and his wife, Mary Ella Hembree. Due to their mother’s serious illness, she and her siblings grew up in the household of their great-aunt, Florence Rozier Davis, in a large southern home overlooking the Yalobusha River in Carrollton, Mississippi, and on the Clark family farm in Teoc. Hot Mississippi summers were spent in Neshoba County on Grandpa Hembree’s farm, highlighted by a week in the family fair house at the famed Neshoba County Fair — #74 on Founder’s Square. Marguerite made family history by winning the Talent Contest at the 1931 fair, beating all the adult entries with an original dramatic presentation. She was a terrific storyteller and conversationalist, and never once ‘ruined a good story with facts.’

After graduating first in her high school class, Marguerite obtained a scholarship to Chillicothe Business College in Chillicothe, Missouri – the world’s largest business school at that time — where she paid for room and board by working in the dining hall, and was crowned Homecoming Queen. During that time, she met and married US Army Captain George Van Hoorebeke, from Joplin, Missouri. Captain Van Hoorebeke died a hero’s death in World War II, leaving her with two young daughters, Virginia and Carole.

In 1946, a young Signal Corps officer from South Carolina was ordered by his commanding officer to ask her out for a double-date because she owned the only car on post and could provide transportation. Six months later, she married Lieutenant Martin Luther Frick, Jr., and they moved back to his hometown of Greenville, South Carolina. As jobs were scarce in Mississippi, but the textile industry was booming in South Carolina, some of Marguerite’s family members moved to South Carolina as well, always finding a warm welcome, hot meals, love, and laughter in her home. Daughters Beth and Margie were born while the family lived in Greenville.

Martin L.’s Duke Power career moved them to different cities, so Marguerite enjoyed working as a bookkeeper and shopping center promotion manager, and especially loved her career as a real estate broker in Charlotte, Burlington, and Winston-Salem, NC. After retirement, Marguerite and Martin L. spent eighteen years on Sanibel Island, Florida, where they shelled all day and danced all night, making friends from all over the country who became like family. As a member of Sanibel Community Church, and Methodist churches wherever they lived, Marguerite considered herself a ‘choir widow,’ sitting in the congregation while her husband was in the choir loft.

Grandmother Hembree taught Marguerite to sew when she was a young child, and she became an accomplished seamstress, creating window treatments, upholstering furniture, and fashioning designer-quality wedding gowns for her daughters. She was also a terrific down-home southern cook, and her shrimp creole is still legendary among those associated with beloved friends Annie Murray and Wilson White and The Monterrey Motel in Surfside Beach, SC. She was often accused of having the world’s worst case of ‘gadget-itis,’ as she got one of everything new that ever came on the market. In 1952, the whole neighborhood crowded into her living room on Saturday nights to watch the Lucy Show; she had the first microwave oven in town; the basement held a huge electric ironing machine she operated with expert precision, and her kitchen was filled with steamers, ricers, dicers, under-counter can-openers, vegetable sealers, and all kinds of things that nobody really needed but she loved.

Blessed with quick wit and a sparkling, outgoing personality, Marguerite was genuinely interested in every person she met, and went out of her way to be kind, upbeat, and hospitable. She read the morning and evening newspapers word for word every day for years, and never missed voting in a national election. She was often called the world’s biggest female sports fan, as she cheered for the Clemson Tigers and Duke basketball. Her daughters were told more than once, “Your mother knows more about football than any woman I’ve ever met!”

Martin L. and Marguerite loved to dance together, and she loved listening to her husband and daughters perform music. Martin L. once said, “The day I met Marguerite was the best day of my life. She was beautiful, she was intelligent, had a wonderful personality – and she used good grammar!”

Marguerite’s longevity brought heartache along with joy. She was widowed twice, and suffered the pain of losing two daughters, Virginia Ella Van Hoorebeke Frick Miller Hill Hooker (Sol) of Taylors, SC, and Carole Ann Van Hoorebeke Frick Long of Winston-Salem, NC; granddaughter, Kristina Elaine Hinsdale of Belews Creek, NC; and great-granddaughter, Marah Leigh Bomar Worthy, of Greenville, SC.

She is survived by daughters Elizabeth Frick Holt (George) of Powhatan, Virginia and Cherry Grove Beach; Marguerite (“Margie”) Frick Hinsdale (Mark), of Belews Creek, North Carolina; her youngest sister, Polly Ann Clark Atkins of Columbia, South Carolina; sisters-in-law Betty Campbell Clark of Greenville, SC and Betty Jean Clark of Garden Grove California, and many adoring nieces and nephews who will travel from across the country to be at her memorial service.
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Marguerite’s grandchildren were the delights of her life: Tracy Miller (who named her ‘Memomma’) of Greer, SC; Robin Miller Bomar (Mark) of Blue Ridge, SC; Lisa Long Feldmann (Ed) of Longmeadow, Massachusetts; George Long (Jessamine) of Roswell, Georgia; Chip Holt (Katie) of Longs, SC; Bryan Holt (Rebekah) of Powhatan, Virginia; David Holt (Krystal) of Fredericksburg, VA; Martin Hinsdale and the late Kristina Hinsdale of Belews Creek, NC; and step-grandson, Michael Hill of California.

She had the pleasure of loving thirteen great-grandchildren: The late Marah Bomar Worthy (Andrew); Monica Bomar Fowler (Jordan) of Blue Ridge, SC; Micah, Nathan, Chloe, Jane, and Ian Holt of Powhatan, Virginia; Keira and Eli Razzak of Kernersville, NC; Evelyn and Elaine Holt of Fredericksburg, Virginia; Sylas and Robinson Long of Roswell, Georgia.

In recent years, Marguerite made her home with George and Beth Holt in Powhatan, Virginia, where she attended Emmaus Christian Church; and in Cherry Grove Beach, SC. She remained good-natured to the end and thanked the Good Lord every day for her life, safe travels, and blessings. The family wishes to thank Embrace Hospice, especially Samantha and Stephanie, for their loving care during the final weeks of this remarkable life. Soli Deo Gloria.

 

HOSPICE-AT-HOME

06 Tuesday Feb 2018

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The Marguerite Chronicles ~ February 6, 2018:

Marguerite’s ups-and-downs over the past week have been epic — several times we thought she was checking out. Still, her physical condition didn’t meet Medicare guidelines for general inpatient status, so we paid for five expensive nights to give ourselves some breathing room. She enjoyed all manner of relatives visiting over the week-end, though she seemed barely conscious through much of it.  Two daughters, two sons-in-law, a sister, a niece, a nephew, four grandsons, two great-grandsons, and a great-granddaughter stood in loving prayer at her bedside. We didn’t think she’d last till  her Tuesday morning discharge time.

And then, last night, she woke up.  Somebody recharged the Energizer Bunny, and this morning, we found her trying to climb out of the bed — after four weeks of being unable to use her arms or legs or even to roll over.

So, as previously planned, a hospital bed and other hospice-at-home equipment was delivered, and a transport brought her back to the condo. She was awake.  Joking. Talking in sentences. And listening to her grand-nephew who happens to be a bona-fide composer, symphony pianist, and Uber driver tinkling the ivories from the living room.  “I just love you more every day!” she said to him.

People in their last days often rally for a little while before entering a final downturn, so we don’t know for sure if this is a rally or an actual improvement after finally detoxing from the medication that made her comatose.  Time will tell.  But no matter, we’ll take it.

So, drop by anytime.  The Queen is holding court!

Back To Myrtle Manor — The Nursing Home, not the TV Show…

28 Thursday Dec 2017

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THE MARGUERITE CHRONICLES — December 27, 2017:

I rushed back to MB today after being in Powhatan for Christmas,  and made a grand entrance into Myrtle Manor around 7 PM.  Memomma Marguerite qualified for in-patient rehab after a 3-day hospital stay due to a second seizure that occurred on December 9.  She had the first seizure that we knew of in November, but it’s likely there were others that we didn’t see.  The first time, I was giving her a shower — her hair was soaped up, all was well, then all hell broke loose. I’d left the phone on the kitchen table and when the seizure was over, I had to prop her up against the bathtub wall for a minute to run call 911. This time, I was dressing her after a shower when it happened, but I’m proud to say that my cellphone was in arm’s reach.  I’m getting this eldercare thing down pat, one emergency at a time. It’s a fine science, y’all. Requires talent.  The kind I didn’t get naturally. My music education is fairly useless for this, but it helps preserve my sanity.

The seizures are attributed to shrinkage of the aging brain, so if you have longevity genes, take notes.  Years ago, during one of Daddy’s laps around Baptist Hospital, we coined the term “oldage,” pronounced ‘oldige’ as opposed to ‘old age.’

You had to be there I guess, but Daddy was a real pain when his blood sugar was up.  And with all the chocolate pie he demanded from every Greek restaurant in Winston-Salem, his blood sugar was always up. And rooms in Baptist Hospital weren’t private.  A doctor was interviewing a hard-of-hearing patient in the next bed, and shouted, “DOES THE NUMBAGE GO ALL THE WAY UP YOUR LEG?”  And Daddy answered, in the booming voice that learned to whisper in a sawmill,  “YOU DON’T HAVE TO HOLLER — I CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY OVER HERE.  AND THERE’S NO SUCH DAMN WORD AS ‘NUMBAGE!’

We cringed, apologized, and attributed his outburst to oldage.  So now, Mama’s got a serious case of it, but instead of hollering, she turns on the charm — still the Homecoming Queen, the Belle of the Ball, General Eisenhower’s Dance Partner, and Real Estate Broker Par Excellance.

She was thrilled to see me tonight, and declared that it must be mental telepathy that I came, because she had been looking for a telephone directory all afternoon so she could call me.

Her uh, ‘dimension’, as the divine Miss Malaprop calls it, is all over the map. She knew the correct names of grands and great-grands in the Christmas photos I showed her, then asked if George Holt is in Charlotte. Uh, noooo, George is in Richmond, but she used to live in Charlotte, so the dots do connect in some fashion.

“Where did you park the car?” she asked, several times. “In the parking lot,” I answered, several times. H eyes filled with wonderous delight. “I didn’t even know they had a parking lot here!”  In her mind, we’re talking Disneyland.

Well, we don’t really want her to know there’s a parking lot, much less a car — this is the woman who said, “I’ll stop driving when you lock me in jail and throw away the key.” Then, she totaled her minivan when she turned in front of oncoming traffic while defying doctor’s orders. Two weeks later, she called a taxi and kidnapped her own husband from his nursing home. Took him home to her independent living apartment with nary a needle full of insulin nor a fridge full of food.  A nightmare we don’t want to repeat. When people tell me how sweet my mama is, they don’t know the half of it.  She has her sweet moments, but she didn’t get to be 97 years old by being sweet. But she is quite the charmer.  So, if you go to see her, keep an eye on your keys.

 She’s back in the fifties when it comes to phone calls, and no longer knows how to use her  cell phone. “We need to write down everybody’s phone number so we can call them.”    I’ve explained a dozen times that my phone contains everybody’s phone number, but it doesn’t compute. And this is the woman who got her first computer at age 70, took a class in  Direct Operating System, then somehow deleted it from her computer, while we were visiting them on Sanibel Island — she lost her DOS, and barely came up for air during our whole vacation.  Now she doesn’t know DOS from Windows, but every time she sees an iPhone, she says she wants one –until I tell her it costs seven hundred dollars.

 

She’s always had a severe case of gadget-itis.  She had the first microwave oven in town, and the first of everything else, too.  We had an electric ironer, for goodness sake.  You probably don’t even know what that is — but it was a commercial grade ironing machine that pressed sheets, tablecloths, and the like on a big roller, operated with knee-and foot-controls. She and our maid we experts — they could even do shirts on it.  And  every electric cookware gadget that came on the market found its way to our kitchen:  steamers, crockpots, electric skillets, fondue pots, food processors, seal-a-meal machines, you name it  — hence, extra cabinets added on every wall, whether they matched the originals or not.  One year — I think it was the year of the electric comb —  I asked Daddy what we should get her for Mother’s Day. It was the age of under-counter everythings — can openers, radios, toaster ovens.  Daddy shook his head.  “Heck, honey, she has everything.  I can’t think of a thing — unless you can find her an electric  a** wiper.  But it’d hafta be the undercounter model.”

She is still very particular about determining front from back when putting on her clothes — though she might try putting her panties on over her pants.  And I think of  the beautiful clothing she made, the gorgeous wedding gowns, the draperies, and the furniture she upholstered, and wonder at how a brain that could fashion such complex items can get so mixed up.

But when it comes to her shoes, she’s careful about right and left.  And  obsessed.  It’s as if there’ll be some kind of Cinderella catastrophe if one dainty little toe touches the bare floor.  We go to the restroom.  I say, “Ok, Mama, now take off your shoes.” She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, but the deer-in-the-headlights look tells me she’s lost hers, too, and she asks, “Why?”

 I explain that she needs to take off her pants, and they won’t come off over her shoes.  So, she carefully slips them off.  I take her pants off,  and turn my back to fold them up. And before I can turn back around, those deft little dancing feet slide back into the ruby slippers — and I try not to cuss, and have to say again, with as much patience as I can muster, “Ok, Mama, now take your shoes off.”  And again, she looks at her idiotic daughter and says, “Why?”  And we put new pants back on, but before they’re pulled up good, the dadburn feet are already feeling for the shoes.

And I say, “Mama, if you would be half as concerned with keeping your underwear dry as you are with your shoes, I will be soooo happy.”  And we laugh and carry on,  and the next trip to the loo, we do it all over again.

When Chip and Katie visited her on Christmas Eve, she looked at them and said, “Where are our parents?” and made several other really off-the-wall comments, so I think some medication changes plus the disorientation of being in nursing care takes a toll on her brain function.

“Where do we pay the bill here when we check out? I don’t have any money with me.”  Deja-vu:  Daddy asked that question a hundred times when he was hospitalized.  And a hundred times, we answered, “You don’t have to pay a dime.  Medicare and Duke Power are taking care of it.”

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” She asked me — several times. I told her I’d be at our regular condo in NMB, and she said she needed to go up there so she could see what it looks like — never mind that she has practically lived here for the past two years.

They’re working on adjusting her depakote levels, which are too low. I’ve learned from our  DNA profiles via promethease.com that she and I are slow metabolizers of many medications, so early or stronger doses are sometimes necessary.  It takes multiple shots for me to get numb in the dentist chair, but 8 hours later, when most people have normal feeling back, my whole face is frozen.  So, it’s beginning to make sense that the med they had her on wasn’t strong enough, and that this new medication is slow to act as well. Bingo.

Physically, she is remarkably stronger. She told me she goes to physical therapy twice a day in the ‘phys ed room,’ and is getting good muscles. And she hopped up out of bed in a heartbeat — which is a little scary, because she does it so quietly.  We’ll have to put the alarm back on the front door when she returns.

We have a meeting with her care team tomorrow to discuss her progress and plans for discharge, but I know she will be there at least through January 3. She was excited when I mentioned the names of family members who are planning to come visit in the New Year.  Even when she is feeble, she’s the strongest woman I’ve ever seen.

Thanks for all your care, prayers, and encouragement. She’s getting torqued up. I hope soon it’ll be my turn, ’cause I’m in need of some serious torque-ing, like on a cruise ship…

SHUCKS!

23 Tuesday May 2017

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THE MARGUERITE CHRONICLES ~ May 23, 2017:

Mama’s much quieter these days, quieter than those who knew her would ever have imagined. But her great personality is still intact, and shines through the confusion whenever we need some comic relief.  We need it often.

Yesterday, I was helping her out of the shower, but I hadn’t closed the bathroom door.

She looked up at the open door, and through the fog of a 97-year-old brain mixed with shower mist,  said, “There aren’t any men here, are there?”

“No,” I assured her. “Just you and me.”

She grinned, and that  mischievous  Marguerite-sparkle appeared in her eye.

“Awww, shucks!”

APRIL SHOWERS & DENTURE ADVENTURES

01 Monday May 2017

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THE MARGUERITE CHRONICLES: May 1, 2017:

Mama no longer takes showers on her own, and getting her to agree to one takes some major coaxing and coaching. So this story starts one year ago, and goes backwards from there.

May 1, 2016:  After I told Mama we were going to see a show tonight, she surprised me by announcing she’d take a shower. She’s still capable of doing those things with minimal help, but I usually have to cajole her into the tub, like with a cattle prod. I was delighted she was showering of her own volition. I heard the shower running, and after it turned off, I went in to help her out — and help her out was exactly what she needed. Her bathtub seat had disappeared from the tub. (I found it in the guest room later.) She showered without it, and then, after she got out, she sat down precariously on the side of the tub and slid bass-ackwards into it. I found her sitting sideways in the tub with her knees hinged over the edge, patiently waiting for me to come help her out. Thankfully, I was able to cross my arms, lock our wrists, and pull her out. She went back to her room – I finished dressing and went to help her to the car, but she’d crawled under the covers, and was wearing my clothes! We got the clothes changed (again), and she was tickled to be going to ‘the theatah’. I’m happy to report there were no further incidents!

Today, one year later, we’re looking for her teeth. Again. I hope to find them in time to meet dear friends John and Betty, who’ve invited us to Villa Tuscanna in honor of Mama’s 97th birthday.  I really don’t want to go dumpster-diving for teeth today.  The  denture adventures of the past several years will last me forever.

Three years ago, on her April 14 birthday,  Mama threw her teeth away in a napkin at Hoskin’s Restaurant.  That was one expensive lunch, even though the waitress brought key lime pie  on-the-house  in honor of Mama’s birthday.

Going to the denture people is worse than pulling teeth. Pure torture. It’s not their fault, they do the best they can, but oh, the agony. We were staying in an ocean-front condo over on the beach that week, and I made an appointment to get new teeth, gnashing mine ’cause we were paying an oceanfront price for a day of  pure-tee denture distress.

We got Mama up early that morning, and told her we needed to dress quickly to leave for the appointment.  I went into the kitchen to check a few things, and came back to her bedroom to help her — but she was nowhere to be found.  The place had 4 bedrooms, so it took a few minutes to find her.

And we found her, this woman who has always preferred showers to baths, lying on her back, slippery wet and nekkid as a jaybird, in the tub.  And she couldn’t get out. ‘Twas not a pretty sight.

I tried pulling her up, but I was already in major hip pain headed for surgery, so it didn’t work.  I figured we might have to call 911 to get her out, but my sister, Margie, who is 2 inches taller, and had hips that worked, and better leverage, came to the rescue.   She planted both feet in the tub, straddling Mama, reached down and body-hugged her.  Up they came, slipping and sliding on the wet porcelain.

I tried to quick-dry Mama and get her dressed.

“MAMA!  We’re due at the doctor down in Myrtle Beach in 30 minutes. We have to hustle!  Why in the world did you decide to get in the tub?”

“Well — we’re just going over here to the Gentle Dental, down the street!”

I was flabbergasted. Nobody had ever once mentioned, much less pointed out, Gentle Dental. She’d read the sign – we drive by it every day. When she heard we were going to get new teeth, she assumed it was Gentle Dental. Heck, they don’t even do dentures.  How I wish they did.

Take care of your teeth, folks, so you won’t have to send your daughters dumpster-diving in your old age.  ‘Cause if you live to be ninety-seven, it’ll be their old age, too.

BREAKING OUT AND BREAKING IN

27 Thursday Apr 2017

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THE MARGUERITE CHRONICLES, April 27, 2017

Mom and I hot-footed it back to the beach on Tuesday, after her knee could barely make it across the room, much less up the stairs of our typical Virginia colonial. So we’re back to the flat-land, concrete slab condo, with ice packs, Tylenol, and some doc-prescribed walking up and down the sidewalks. Yesterday, we decided she could take a very short walk while I unloaded the car.  And then, I looked around and couldn’t find her.  I walked around the building. Walked the direction she’d headed — no Mama, no walker.  I knew she couldn’t go far, but still, this is the woman I once chased all over Montmartre at midnight, when she defied Daddy and broke out of the hotel to go sightseeing — like we could see anything among the shadowy druggies shrouded in Parisian darkness.  

With that in mind, I turned around and went the other direction — and found her trying to break into the door of 101 in the adjacent building. Another minute and she’d have been inside. Every building here has a 101, which keeps FEDEX, UPS, and the police department hopping.  I hope the residents weren’t cowering inside calling 911 on a walker-wielding woman dressed up as a 97-year-old burglar.