The Marguerite Chronicles, November 10, 2016:

Geriatric doctors have explained to us that people of Mama’s age will often rifle through anything on countertops, in closets, boxes, etc., and not to be surprised if, in the middle of the night, a closet door is open, she sees clothing, and decides to get dressed. Every night this week, we experienced variations on that theme. She and I shared a hotel room in Greenville, SC, so my things were stored on the lavatory.

Night #1 – 2 AM — she returns to bed after a trip to the loo. I tuck her into bed, and glance down at her face — she is completely lipsticked-up — in MY shade. I don’t like to share lipstick with anybody I’m not kissing, even if it is my Mama, so I turn off the lights, sneak back to the bath, grab all the lipstick and hide it. As if that will solve the problem. Right..

Night #2 — 2 AM -she gets up and I go to check on her. I have some stuff that’s supposed to cover up my Herman Munster scar, and the tube looks like lip gloss. Mama has found it, and is leaning over the counter, peering into the mirror, and applying a heavy coat of flesh-colored Dermablend to her lips. Now she’s the one that looks like a Munster. So, I help her back to bed, then tiptoe back to hide the forbidden fruit.

Night #3 — 2 AM — yep, we’re on a roll. Only this time, she’s carefully applying black mascara to one eyebrow. . The woman is obsessed with her eyebrows. One black eyebrow from Greenville to Columbia – all day long. Tonight, we’re back at the beach, and, oh, sweet bliss, we have separate rooms and separate baths, and there is NO make-up in her line of sight. But I have hidden everything anyway!